Homeschool Burnout

There is no need to let homeschool burnout happen to you!

A few years ago, the SABC aired a programme on homeschooling. A mother, former career woman, was interviewed because she claimed that homeschooling “Did not work for me and my daughter.” When asked how long she homeschooled her daughter before returning her to school, she answered: “8 months or so.”

Why did this mother put her child back in school? The reason she gave was that her child lacked social skills and she thought this was more important and so she opted out of homeschooling. Other reasons that parents give up are as follows:

1. The mother burns out. (Burn out is a generic term for tired, worn out, overwrought or just plain “had enough”)
2. The child wants to return to school
3. The dad is concerned that mom is not able to continue through high school, or that she is burning out, or he is giving into peer pressure.
4. The mother is undermined in confidence through peers and family comments.

Knowing WHY you choose to homeschool is a very important issue. As stated previously in this course, most families believe that it is a call from God to disciple their children and homeschooling them is part of this vision. Some parents choose to homeschool because they have no faith in the current education system. Others for health or disability reasons. There are some families who have “nomadic” lifestyles due to contract work, mission or travelling occupations and they want their children with them, instead of in boarding schools.

All of these reasons are important enough to get a parent started on the homeschooling route…but what about when the going gets tough?

Are those valid reasons for starting homeschooling, strong enough to carry you through to the end?

Let’s quickly look at each of the most common reasons for burnout and their cures:

Mom is Burning Out

  • Are you taking time to do something totally unrelated to homeschooling? Wendy loves to mountain bike, Shirley loves to scrapbook. Do you garden, sew, read or do sport?
  • Are you finding time to rest adequately or are you too busy playing taxi driver? Cut down on extra murals and playdates!
  • Do you have systems in place to take the stress out of cooking, cleaning and shopping? Refer back to part 6 of this course: Organization 101
  • Are you using a curriculum that makes homeschooling easier for you, or it is the curriculum and its demands that are stressing you out?  A curriculum should be a tool, not your taskmaster!

Child’s Concerns

If your child wants to return to school – consider these situations:

  • Is this child unhappy at home due to family tension including an overwrought mom? Begin to change the relationships at home to an honour based model.
  • Is this child lacking social interaction with her peers? Or is this child interacting too much with her peers? There is a fine line here. It is not a good enough reason for a parent to say that their child “loves to be with other children”…this can be a form of peer dependency which is not a characteristic that we want in our children. If your child has a need for a few good friends, then as a caring parent you need to do your best to seek them out and make your home a happy place for them to congregate.
  • Is the work that you are expecting your child to do too hard or not stimulating enough? Make sure that you are constantly and graciously raising your children to a higher standard in their work. Allowing sloppy, rushed work is not being grace based but understanding your child and why they work this way, then training them correctly is. If your children are lacking stimulation or are not happy for other reasons, then be sure to dialogue with them about the studies they would like to pursue and plan some delight directed themes around that.

Dad’s Concerns

This is sometimes a challenge for wives as we are to consider our husbands feelings with sincerity.

Dad is feeling neglected
When a family begins to homeschool it is very important that both parents are on board in the decision as homeschooling will affect all family relationships. We have found from our contact with homeschooling parents for more than a decade that fathers are often the ones who get the dregs of mom at the end of the day! They need to be placed first above our children. Yes! Even when you are busy homeschooling, cleaning and cooking for the better part of the day, you can carry them in your heart, so that they are not getting the leftovers.

Dad is concerned with mom being tired and burnt out
Refer back to the first point, make sure your do not become so diligent in carrying your household and child-based responsibilities that you forget about yourself.

Dad is concerned about the academic standard at home
There are some fathers in the homeschooling community who are very academically inclined. They hold corporate positions, went to university, received Masters and Honors Degrees in their field and hope for the same for their children. While these things are not wrong to hope for, they do need to be the child’s dream too. A mom who is married to such a man needs to be very careful that she meets his criteria for education, as well as embracing all the other things that homeschooling is e.g. character training, tailor-made educations etc. This can be achieved very simply. Each year you can supply your husband with a plan of action for each child. You can put together an overview of the subjects you will be covering as well as the curriculum you will be using to achieve these goals. At the end of each term you can bring your husband up to date with your progress and discuss any areas of concern and their remedies.

Mom’s Concerns

Moms peer problems
Here you are dealing with family, friends and other peer groups like church fellowship.

1. Family – Aunties and Uncles who have their children in school are always quick to point our “How well our Jane is doing in school” every time you are together. Granny and Granddad ask about “How did your children score in exams” or say “We wish we could watch a rugby match!”
2. Friends – The first question that comes out their mouths on hearing that you are going to homeschool is: “What about socialization?”
3. Peer groups – As homeschooling is relatively new in South Africa, even many churches oppose homeschooling. Often parents are called into eldership positions and are asked to “count the cost” and “sacrifice” homeschooling for the cause of serving the church.

So how do you handle these situations?

Grandparents are from a different era where schooling was a great ideal to be sought out. In their generation, education was a passport to a better lifestyle. Schools were still run on high morals and ethics with a system that upheld the Word of God. This is not the case these days. Besides this mindset, grandparents love their grandchildren only second to you and are concerned for their well being. Handling this relationship carefully with love and tact is all you can do as you remember that God will hold YOU accountable for your children, not the grandparents.

Friends need to be gently handled as well but from a different aspect. You need to also shield your family, and yourself, from their negative comments. Boundaries need to be set up in terms of social times and phone calls during schooling hours.

Peer groups, depending who they are, need to be assessed on a group by group basis. Church groups who oppose homeschooling are the trickiest and will take much prayer and possibly even moments of conflict for you to be able to stand your ground. The thing to remember is that if God has told you to homeschool your children, you need to obey and walk in that obedience, He will allow His grace to settle on your family and make all things work together for the good of your family and extended community.

If sceptical friends or family members continue to question your decision, after you have given them all the information you can to allay their fears, then it may be time to walk in your authority for your family and lay some boundaries:

  • Kindly thank the skeptics for their concern for your children
  • Then reassure them that you have researched this thoroughly and feel, after much consideration that is the best option for now.
  • Finally, be firm and say that it is not open for debate or further comment and ask them to please respect that choice, so as to maintain good relationships.
  • Tell them that if possible, you would appreciate their support rather than criticism.

Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

This is the last part of the 7 part E-course which was aimed at helping you to get a good start on your homeschooling journey. Our intention was to share what we have learned in our years of homeschooling and encouraging others. If you have any comments, please contact us and we will be happy to help with you.

If you haven’t yet done so, we’d like to encourage you to consider one of our South African Homeschool curricula.

Not only have they been used an enjoyed by hundreds of South African homeschooling families in SA and around the world, but also in three private schools, two in SA and one in the USA and were highly recommended by a teacher at an Australian Christian college!

Since the Footprints curricula were written by two moms who understand the practicalities of homeschooling, they have been designed to help you overcome potential hurdles and to make your home education experience as enjoyable and stress-free as possible.

The programmes are jam-packed with stimulating learning material, without the stress of a rigid schedule and cumbersome assignments to complete. Its flexible and customisable to suit your circumstances! NO SCHOOL-AT-HOME!

We save you time and hassle, by providing all the preparation, lesson plans, ideas and resources that you need just when you need them. We also offer after-sales support via our Footprints egroup where we are able to “walk alongside” you on your homeschooling journey.

There are four different programmes suited to three different age groups:

 

Read what others have said on our Customer Reviews page

If you have any comments or questions, please contact us and we will be happy to chat with you.

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